The 'It's Just Not Fair' Series
by Jayness
Summary: A deeper side of the X-men we love as they question their life their value and where they fit in.


It's Just Not Fair-Scott Summers AKA Cyclops

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Summary: The X-men we love think about the world they live in, the role they play and how sometimes no matter how hard you try things are just not fair!

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Disclaimer: Well I don't know if you guys no this and I'd hate to brag but I actually do own the X-men. You see in a not so long ago night a certain comic legend by the name of Stan Lee got intoxicated and signed all rights to me.

(Warning Gun shot is heard in the distance as a big scary man whispers horrible threat into Jasser's ear)

HEHEHE (nervous laughter) Well look at that, it turns out I Don't Own the X-men or anything else belonging to Marvel.

(Another Shot) (quickly spoken in the style of nervous banter)And Stan Lee was never intoxicated! In fact I've never met him in my life! Nope not me! Not don't own a thing-would never lie about someone important being drunk-me!! Okay enjoy now! hehehe......

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Well look-y here! After all this time-I'm finally back! And man does it feel good. Well actually not really, I've realized that my laziness seems to like reading fics more than writing them and since about 80% of me at least is laziness the previous statement was a lie! That's right I LIED TO YOU! What you going to do about it?? HEY MONET!! Guess who's back!!

M: Oh no! I thought the nightmares were over! I thought I could finally regain my sanity, but oh no! I should have known evil could not be killed. (Starts rocking back and forth uncontrollably)

Umm..yah whatever! Got anything good to eat while people enjoy this fic which most likely should never have come into existance? Hey! M? Monet? Forget it! Let's get on with the show!

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Why me?

Is it something I've said?

Is it something I've done?

I just don't understand why everyone seems to dislike me-well with the exception of Jean. Jean the only angel I have ever known-this drink's to you! To think how long I had to wait for us to finally get together. Jean, you're without a doubt the best thing that's ever happened to me.

No wait! The X-men are the best things that have happened to me but don't worry I think you're quickly reaching the number one spot.

Why so fast? Simple I've finally come to realize the X-men are not my dream. You heard me world, not mine!

Which brings me back to my former questions.

Why me? Is it the way I look? Is it the way I talk? Can I help it if I can't let caution to the wind like others?

I know what they think. My team mates that is. They think, Cyclops also known as Mr. Anal-retentive.

What they don't know or realize is I do it on purpose.

Why?

Because I have the misfortune of being the so called leader of our merry group.

Because I have to be calm and handle everyone else's stress and problems never allowed to have my own.

Because if I don't someone I care about can get killed.

Because I know what it's like to have no one and would rather be a stick than risk going through that again.

People think I'm emotionless. Maybe I am. Maybe I've forgotten what it's like to care. To have feelings.

No, that's not true. Sometimes I wish it were though.

If it were true I wouldn't care what people think. I wouldn't care if I watched an X-man no their more than that aren't they old boy? Yah- I wouldn't care if I watched the only family I've got, that I know, go down in battle. Hell, I wouldn't care about this F#$% dream of Xavier's, or this F$#$& school!

And mostly-

I just wouldn't care period. Oh how joyful and easy life would be.

But I do.

I just can't seem to bring myself to stop caring. Believe me, I've tried. I've tried to be distant, indifferent, cold, stiff, Mr. Rule obliging perfect boy.

Yup I've tried so hard to push them all away, to push everything away. Tried to turn my back on it all-

But then I see the laughter in Kurt's eyes, the kindness in Kitty's, the distant hope in Rogue's, the future in the New Recruits as they cause some sort of havoc, and the love in Jean.

See, you think I'm a priss but what I really am is completely F#$%& up! Yup you heard me!

I'm a mess.

So why don't they like me? Why do they act like they do?

Is it because I learned the hard way what happens when you're not careful?

How many of them were on the streets without parents, without love? Even Rogue had a home.

I could have handled the abandonment, the loneliness. Lots of people have. I'm not the only orphan in the world.

It's just my wonderful and I use that word loosely life gave me my gift.

Imagine being a 6 year old kid lost on some streets. Now imagine being the same kid who levelled an entire building because red lasers they couldn't explain shot out of their eyes. Imagine the same kid being blind and feeling not only lost now but also a freak, the same kid abused by people who promise to help.

Trying to survive in a world who will gladly kill him if they found out.

And the headaches.

Can't forget the headaches, the excruciating pain, like a thousand needles set on fire being stabbed into your head. Nope, like I said, can't forget that! Even if I wanted to-I still get them.

The happiest day of my life was the day a wise old man in a wheelchair offered me a home. No more than that, he offered me a life. Maybe that's why I took on his dream. But that's still all it is-**HIS** dream. Not mine. Do I have dreams anymore? I don't even know. No, I do know, I just wish I didn't because I know that the answer is no. I have no dreams. I've lived behind my mask, behind Xavier's dream for so long I don't even know who I am.

You see, they think they know me.

All they really know is the visor.

So long I've worn this facade that I'm slowly morphing into it. I don't know if I can or ever will be able to take it off.

Can you blame me? Who wants to hear about the real Scott Summers. Who wants to hear about the man who cuts his wrists nearly each night torn between wanting to sleep forever and wake up because he has to wake up. He has to lead the X-men, HE HAS TO KEEP THEM ALIVE! HE HAS TO FIGHT BECAUSE ALTHOUGH IT MAY BE TOO LATE FOR HIM TO HAVE A FUTURE OUTSIDE OF THE X-MEN IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR THEM.

Then again, who is the real Scott Summers?

Who am I?

Sometimes Life is just not fair.

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Well there it is. Should I continue or is it not worth it? If so what character next-yes I'm asking you.

Go hurry and tell me in a REVIEW!

(Woah! that rhymed and I didn't even try!:))


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